DR BREN EXPLAINS IN THIS VIDEO -- WHY DO WE KEEP CHOOSING THE WRONG PERSON IN RELATIONSHIP, AND HOW CAN WE CHANGE THIS PATTERN?
DR BREN has counseled hundreds of couples through their intense interpersonal conflicts. She quickly diagnoses the breakdown in communication and teaches the couple how to communicate effectively. She uses several different communication models from the "imago dialogue" to the non-violent communication.
DR BREN'S APPROACH TO COUPLES COUNSELING
Myers Briggs Type Indicator: A key to understanding communication differences
DR BREN starts with Jung's psychological types, now known as the Myers Briggs Type Indicator or MBTI. This tool allows her to explain the differences in how the couple perceives the world and how they also interpret the worldin different ways. Then she gently leads the couple towards understanding and respecting these differences.
The Triad versus the Dyad in Relationships
Next DR BREN introduces the couple to the inevitable polarity in all relationships between being an "I" and also being a part of a "We." Often, this is where she sees the woman identifying with the "We" and the man identifying with the "I." She helps to relieve many of the long standing conflicts and resentments by leading the couple through a process of understanding the areas where one should respect the individual boundaries and the areas where one should act as a couple by taking joint responsibility for the "We" areas, like home, finances, family, holidays, etc.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there. -- Rumi
So many conflicts and communications seem to be about who is right. To this DR BREN often says, "you can be right, or you can be in relationship but you cannot be both." Getting to an objective truth is a trap, especially in relationship, because this pursuit negates the other's subjective reality. There are always three realities happening at once in a relationship: the two subjective experiences, and the one objective reality. Often each party believes they have the scoop on the objective reality, but this is simply incorrect. No human can escape their subjective frame of reference and see clearly the whole objective truth.
Now to the Deep Stuff, The psychodynamics of relationships
Once these basic skills of communication are in place, the couple can move onto the deeper psycho-dynamic or unconscious processes undermining the relationship. These unconscious dynamics were formed in childhood about self, other and the relationship between the two. Because they are unconscious, they are projected onto the other as if it is the other. But the other, at this point, is simply a screen for one's projections. Essentially, this person is completely isolated in a unconscious fantasy believing it is reality.
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Call or Text 619.405.9118
DR BREN'S FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS OF RELATIONSHIP