Polarity Processing

Uroborus = Psychological Wholeness

My favorite book on processing our “stories,” especially the ones that keep us stuck in negativities, is “The Marriage of Spirit: Enlightened Living in Today’s World” by Leslie Temple-Thurston.

In donna cerca uomo SantElena the first part of the book she teaches us the cosmic laws of living in a dualistic world. In donna cerca uomo Barletta the second part she walks you through three very powerful processing techniques meant to help dislodge the grip our shadows have on us. The first processing technique — coppia cerca uomo Bologna polarity processing — I will outline here.

There are 7 steps to the Polarity Processing Technique.

  1. Pick an experience.
  2. Write a description of the experience.
  3. Pick out the theme words and phrases.
  4. Make a list of the theme words and phrases.
  5. Find the opposites.
  6. Offer it up with a prayer.
  7. Wait for grace.

Start by writing out in detail a story that has gripped you. Write out all the details, the feelings and thoughts related to this story. Just let it flow until you have extinguished your view from every angle on this story.

Next go through with a highlighter and highlight all the theme words and phrases that trigger you.

On a separate sheet of paper draw a line down the center. On the left side write out all the theme words. This may take several sheets of paper.

Next on the left side of each word write down the opposite word or phrase.  For instance, if you wrote donna cerca uomo Aprilia hate on the left side, write down uomo cerca trans Bari love on the right side of the paper. If the opposites don’t immediately come to you, use a thesaurus.

The opposite words are the ones you are repressing out of your whole experience of life. They are in your shadow. This process is about transcending duality and embracing both sides as your true and whole experience.

Now offer a prayer of gratitude to god, spirit, angels or whatever you refer to as your higher self. And humbly wait for grace to help heal these imbalances within you.

The Path to Wealth: Seven Spiritual Steps to Abundance

GratitudeImage

My new favorite book this season is by May McCarthy called The Path to Wealth: Seven Spiritual Steps to Abundance. I usually avoid gimmicky sounding books, but this one came across my radar while listening to George Noory’s radio show – Coast to Coast AM.

What I like best about her work is the way she blends her business savviness with her spirituality. For instance, she calls her higher-self the Chief Spiritual Officer (CSO).

Her book outlines a 7 step gratitude practice.

  1. Read something inspiration for about 10 minutes.
  2. Write a letter to your CSO.
  3. Read the letter out loud and with emotion.
  4. Using your imagination visualize what you are creating in your life.
  5. Notice the gentle and not so gentle nudges from your CSO.
  6. Celebrate and record in your demonstration journal all the ways your CSO has guided you.
  7. Right before you go to bed make a quick list of gratitudes for the day and make a quick list of people you need to forgive and forgive them.

 
I added this practice to my morning practices and it has really made a huge difference in my life. I especially like writing down all the daily guidances I get from my CSO in my demonstration journal.

 

Below is a template for the Daily CSO Letter. Try it for 30 days
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Exercise Write out a CSO letter using the following guide:

Dear CSO, Thank you for my . . .

(List what you have and are grateful for.)

1. __________________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________
4. ___________________________________________________

Thank you for my . . .

(List what you want as gratitude statements, as though you already have them.)
1. ___________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________
4. ___________________________________________________

Thank you, CSO, for your universal power operating in my life. For all this good and more, I give great thanks. I now release these words to the law, truth, and power of the universe and know that it is done.

With gratitude and love,

Getting your Body Back through Focusing

Focus-On-the-Small-Things

 

Why not Wake Up this Morning — Rumi

Recovering Our Body: The Moving Cycle

movingcycle

Awareness

“In the first stage of the Moving Cycle, we acknowledge what we feel, or what we weren’t letting ourselves feel. This starts out as a very physical process, one of tracking and reporting sensations in the body in order to reawaken our natural ability to tell when we are harming ourselves” (p.71).

“Our ability to feel and express our physical experience is the foundation of recovery, the bedrock of joyful and satisfying action in the world” (p. 71)

Owning

Owning is “the act of telling the complete truth about one’s experience, of seeing everything that occurs within us to be our own creation” (p. 71)

“When we take 100 percent of the responsibility for our current experience, not confusing it with childhood wounding (for which we were not responsible), we can then reclaim the power to do things differently. As long as we make others responsible for how we feel or for what is happening to us, we give them power over our very aliveness, and the only way we can feel alive is to control them. Taking responsibility cuts through codependency as well” (p. 72)

“The essential problem behind the inability to take responsibility is a lack of boundaries, or inadequate limits. … When are needs are not with such a boundary, the body’s energy continues to rush out into space. This kind of unbounded energy is frightening on a primal level — the feeling is similar to falling off a cliff through open space” (p. 73)

We must practice letting our bodies be the containers for our feelings and emotions. And so, we relearn trusting our bodies.

“We must be able to sense the difference between our own and other people’s movement energy, and still keep our boundaries” (p. 73).

Acceptance

During Acceptance we address our core imprints of shame and wrongness. “Shame lives in the body in several ways. First, it translates to a poor body image … Second, an imprint of wrongness lodges in certain parts of the body causing tension, desensitization, injury, or illness…. Third, and most important of all, the lack of love that we feel for ourselves affects our breathing. By constricting our breathing we cut off our ability to feel, thereby defending ourselves from unrequited pain or threatening pleasure” (p. 74)

“The Acceptance phase has to do with getting the love back” (p. 75).

Action

“The Action Phase begins when we can sustain uncritical and loving attention to ourselves” (p. 75).

“The assumption inherent in the Action phase is that in order for change to become real, in order for love to mean anything, it must be manifested in the world” (p. 76)

“Action makes us producers in the world rather than consumers” (p. 76)

deadcomingback
PS — The story I told about the dead coming back to life is found on 2013 Coast to Coast AM interview with Dr. Sam Parnia and can be watched here on youtube.

Focusing by Eugene Gendlin

Focusing moves inward, drawing on information from the deeper, wiser self – the body. — Eugene Gendlin

The key to this practice is understanding the “felt-sense.” A felt-sense is a deep down level of awareness that comes in fuzzy and unknown. It is a feeling, not an emotion or thoughts, of a physical nature. It is a body awareness of a situation or person or event. It is an internal aura that encompasses everything you feel and know about a given subject at a given time.

The Six Movements of Focusing

  1. Clear a Space
  2. Felt Sense
  3. Get a Handle
  4. Resonate
  5. Ask
  6. Receive

1. CLEAR A SPACE

Now ask yourself, “How do I feel? Why don’t I feel wonderful right now? What is bugging me on this particular day?

Stay Quiet. Listen. Let what comes come. Don’t get attached to the problems let them all come in and out of focus.

The say, “Well except for all of these, I’m fine.”

Do you feel a small increase of well-being in you?

2. FELT-SENSE OF THE PROBLEM

Ask which problem feels the worst right now. Ask which one hurts the most, feels the heaviest, the biggest, the sharpest, the most prickly or clammy or sticky — or just choose one problem.

Don’t go into the problem. You must get down past all the noise in your head to the felt sense of the problem.

What do you sense in your body when you recall the whole of that problem?

Sense all of it, the sense of the whole thing, the murky discomfort or the unclear body-sense of it.

Be Patient!

The felt-sense is the holistic, unclear sense of the whole thing. — Eugene Gendlin

3. FINDING A HANDLE

What is the quality of the felt-sense?

What one word, phrase, or image comes out of this felt-sense?

This is not analysis (perception versus interpretation).

Avoid forcing words into the felt-sense. Let it come to you with its own essence. Or try one word gently.

What you are looking for is something that comes along with a body shift, the whole felt-sense stirs just slightly and eases a little. It might only be a small shift.

4. RESONATING HANDLE AND FELT-SENSE

Take the word or image you got from the third movement and check it against the felt-sense. Make sure they click precisely into place — a perfect fit. Ask (but don’t answer): Is that right?

There should be a felted response, some deep breath inside, some felt release again, letting you know that the words are right.

It is alright if, on its own accord, the feeling or the word or image changes, as you peforming the matching procedure.

You should get an Yes, Oh Yes, That’s it feeling.

Now let yourself feel that.

5. ASKING

If a big shift, an opening, and a bodily release have already come during the earlier movements, go directly the the sixth movement.

Ask Open Ended Questions like:

What is, about the whole problem, that makes me so _________________?

What does the felt-sense need?

What is the worst of this?

What comes swiftly is old information, let the felt-sense stir and from there the answer will emerge.

6. RECEIVING

Welcome what came. Be glad it spoke.

It is only one step of the problem, not the last.

Now that you know where it is, you can leave it and come back to it later.

Visions and Goals for 2015

feng-shui-color-chart

Last year I gave you the basic steps in creating a vision board. See this link for that blog post.

Here is a new idea for creating your Vision Board this year.

Use the layout of the Feng Shui bagua to position your images on your poster board. This not only gives you the areas of your life to focus on, but it gives you the proper energetic positioning too.

Again the most important thing is to use your heart and feel your way into 2015’s goals and have fun with it.


UPDATE

I just completed my vision board for 2015 in this baqua format. The energy vortex flowing from it is palpable and extraordinary. It feels like the universe and my board are conspiring to manifest these visions.

life coach, life coaching, psychotherapist, couples counselor

Goal Setting Tips

SMART-Goals

S.M.A.R.T.

Start by setting S.M.A.R.T. goals. Goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

For example, let’s say you want to lose weight. How much weight do you want to lose and by what date?

To lose 15 pounds by July 1st, 2014.

This goal is specific – 15 pounds.
To make it measurable you need to measure your weight now, and then again on July 1st.
Is the goal achievable? This part is subjective, up to each person to assess. This goal requires you to lose a little over 2 pounds per month. This seems achievable to me.
Is this goal relevant? Again this is subjective. Perhaps for medical reasons you need to lose weight that would be highly relevant.
Is the goal time-bound? Yes, by July 1st, 2014.

The key to achieving your big goals is to break them down into achievable steps that can be planned and measured daily or weekly. This goal must be broken down into smaller steps.

For instance, what are you going to do every day, every week, every month to meet this goal? How are you going to change your diet and your exercise? Again make sure these steps are S.M.A.R.T.

I like using a tool called Goal Enforcer to plan my goals. I like this tool because it is visual, working the way the mind does in images and associations.

Planner Pads

plannerpads

To plan my daily and weekly activities I use Planner Pads. This is a little known system, but I like it very much because it uses a funneling approach to task planning.

At the top I label each column with topics that are relevant for the week like: Personal, Work, Health, etc. In the middle section I add the tasks that I need to accomplish that day, but are not a timed. At the bottom, I put in my all my timed appointments.

Time Management Matrix

Urgent-vs-Important.indd

Perhaps the most important part of achieving your goals is learning to manage your time. I suggest you get in to the habit of planning all the time: every week, every day and several times a day. If you do not have a discipline of planning you might end up wasting time on activities that are not relevant to your goals.

Stephen Covey in his classic The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People introduced a time-management matrix.

  • Quadrant 1 contains tasks that are urgent and essential like paying bills.
  • Quadrant 2 contains tasks that are non-urgent and essential like budgeting.
  • Quadrant 3 contains tasks that are urgent and non-essential like reading emails from strangers.
  • Quadrant 4 contains tasks that are non-urgent and non-essential like watching TV, and goofing off on the internet.

Effective time management is the key to achieving your goals. When you are not disciplined in your time-management you could be spending too much time in Quadrant 3 and 4, the non-essential tasks. In this day and age, I find people bounce between quadrant 1, putting out fires all day, and quadrant 4 vegging in front of the TV or computer doing mindless activities to recover from the chaos.

The goal of this time-management system is to spend time in quadrant 2 – non-urgent and essential. This quadrant contains most of your goals.

Besides the obvious – stop spending so much time in quadrant 4 – I find people get hung up on the urgent tasks. They end up doing urgent tasks that should be or could done by someone else. Delegate these tasks to make room Quadrant 2.

My advice is to pay careful attention to the so called urgent tasks. Is it really urgent? And must it be completed by you?

2014 Vision Board

Vision-Board

Some of you know I do a vision board every year with my annual goals depicted in images.

Here is what I do?

  • I get in a meditative state using music.
  • I reflect on the areas of my life: mind, body, soul, spirit, home, friends, family, lover, community, career, finances, adventures, etc.
  • I choose images either using magazines or the internet (google images) that best depict my goals in each of these areas.
  • I arrange them on a poster board.
  • I post my vision board in my kitchen.
  • I work towards achieving every goal.
  • The key to a great vision board is to feel your way into it. Don’t think your way there. Use your heart and soul. And most of all have fun!

The Work: Seeing your Egoic Trances

trance

DR BREN’s Life Coaching for the Soul, in essence, is about seeing and transcending your egoic trances (or what Jung called “complexes) such that your soul can live.

We naturally have two selves: ego , which is the center of our physical being and the psychological construct associated with the brain, and soul, which is the center of our spiritual or eternal being.

Ultimately, life on this planet is about coming to know your soul, your eternal being. If you don’t achieve this egoic transcendence, then you will be stuck in the physical plane of reincarnation until you do, destined to the historical cycles we have created on earth.

So, what is an egoic trance?

Perhaps it is best to speak about what Jung described as a psychological complex, since the egoic trance is the “response” to a trigger or stimulus. (Click on the image below to see the diagram describing Jung’s idea of the psychological complex.)

Complex

Ego is essentially composed of psychological complexes. These complexes are, most often, formed in childhood as a defensive response to a situation or environment overwhelming and dangerous to the child.

In fact, the purpose of ego is to keep the physical being alive. These complexes are only symptomatic if they lead to destructive results, or, according to DR BREN”s Life Coaching for the Soul, if they lead to deprivation of the soul.

A psychological complex is triggered by a stimulus resulting in an intense emotional response / reaction, and a shrinking of focus and attention.

For instance, you see a Red Saab and it reminds you of your ex-boyfriend’s car which then causes you to cry because you miss him. This complex can swallow up all of your “present-moment awareness,” such that you become lost in your thoughts and emotions around this relationship, only to wake up minutes or hours later to realize you have driven all this way without knowing how you got there. (I’m very grateful we have an subconscious good-driving complex that operates the vehicle.)

Some Jungians say that we are always in a complex. I don’t agree; there are times when we are in soul (profound experiences of spirit, nature, art, etc.) which is definitely not a complex. If we are not in soul, then, yes, we are in a complex. Keep in mind complexes, in and of themselves, are not good or bad, they are simply basic structures of the ego.

Having said all that the trance is essentially the response to the trigger. In our example, it is when she got lost in her thoughts and feelings about her ex-boyfriend.

Most often, when you are in a trance you are unconscious and not present with the moment or the people around you.

In most cases, we do not have control of the stimulus, but we do have control over the trance (response) that corresponds to the trigger (stimulus).

How do you come to know your trances?

For the most part, you can only come to know your trances after you have come out of one, and in reflection you realize you lost touch with your body and the present moment. It is at this moment “the work” begins. In your conscious reflection try to record in your journal the triggers and mental and emotional associations that made up your trance. The one who can reflect on egoic trances is your true self, your soul. In particular, notice when and what you ruminated over, when it was in the past or future, and whether it was negative or positive.

It matters less for you to know the origin of your trances, as it does to understand the process. Understanding the process of your trance allows you to choose a different and conscious response.

Note: For more information about trances, see Stephen Wolinsky’s Trances People Live.

Self Mastery as a Way of Life

Self-Mastery

Life Coaching is about self-mastery or psyche mastery. Where Psychotherapy is about healing psychological dysfunctions with an emphasis on pathology, Life Coaching is about teachings and practices related to understanding how the psyche works: how the mind, heart and soul function in the world. Jungian Psychology is perfectly suited for life coaching since it steers clear of diagnoses and focuses on how the psyche functions.

What is Self-mastery?

Mastery is a way of life, not a goal. It is the path of committed practice and dedication without regard to destination. Anyone can become a master if they are willing to stay on the path and stick with it through the inevitable pitfalls and plateaus of learning.

Perhaps, the most important topic of mastery, in my opinion, is the self. If we don’t know how our “self” functions then how can we master anything? Everything in the world presents itself to and through our psyche which means everything is psychological. So it follows that understanding psyche should be a pre-requisite for all those working towards excellence in their life. Here is a link to the life practices I recommend.

The Pitfalls of Mastery

George Leonard, the author of Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-term Fulfillment, identifies three character types that fail to become Masters: the Dabbler, the Obsessive, and the Hacker.

The Dabbler starts every new skill with enormous enthusiasm. He loves the newness of it all reveling in the first spurts of progress. However, at the first falloff his enthusiasm fades, boredom ensues and he begins to rationalize why this new skill is not for him.

The Obsessive is focused on bottom-line results, She will not settle for second best. She wants to get it right in the first lesson, staying after class to talk to the instructor, and buying every book she can on how to master this skill. Her first spurt of progress is expected; and she expects to continue in this fashion until she is number one. She pushes herself mercilessly. However, the higher she pushes herself, the bigger the fall and eventually she gets hurt.

The Hacker is altogether different from the Dabbler and the Obsessive in that he is willing to be mediocre forever. He is the tennis player that never learned the strokes, just whacking at the ball any which way. He knows a few things and thinks he knows it all. He is not willing to change, instead clinging to security and safety at the expense of mastery.

Keys to Success

5 Keys to Mastery

Leonard identifies five keys to mastery: instruction, practice, surrender, intentionality and the edge. No matter what skill you apply these keys to, if you follow this wisdom and sustain your practice even when you think you are going nowhere, you will eventual become a master.

Instruction

If you want to become a master find a master teacher. To find the right teacher, look at their credentials, lineage, and experience. In addition and perhaps more important, look at the teacher’s pedagogical style and philosophy. Unlike other coaches and therapists I share these important details about myself on my website.

Practice

Mastery is practice, and practice is mastery. The key to getting to the place of where practice is a treasured part of your life is enduring the inevitable plateaus of practice. We are so societally trained to achieve that when learning goes flat we tend to abandon our practices. But the true master has learned to observe the subtleties in the moment and commits to her practice without the hoping for future rewards.

Surrender

The true master not only surrenders to his teacher and his practice, he surrenders his rigid ideas of himself. In order to learn one has to give up knowing. Seems ironic but it is critical for mastery. A true master never knows because he is always learning, and everyone is his teacher. He is always willing to surrender something known for the unknown. To continue on the path of mastery often means skills learned must also be unlearned in order to move to the next level of mastery. If the plateau has been reached, then most likely a skill needs to be broken down in order to be built up again.

Intentionality

All the great athletes rely heavily on visualizations. For them the mind is as important as the body. In life coaching I am often trying to help people bring their bodies back in sync with their minds. The goals of their life must have an experiential reference, a feeling or being state associated with the mind state they are trying to achieve. Furthermore, often I recognize unconscious ego intentions that are disrupting their conscious desires. The key to mastery is to know both your conscious and unconscious intentions and focus them on the goals of practice.

The Edge

The edge is the collective limits of your skill. A true master does not stop at the collective limits but continues setting new goals for others to follow. This is when you know that mastery has no end, it is a bottomless chasm of possibilities.

I send many blessings on your path to self-mastery.